Wednesday, February 22, 2012
#12 - Prince Sandstone
And picks on his little brother.
He's not a villain. He just plays his role well - perfectly, even. But from his little brother's perspective, he's a big jerk. He's stronger. He's better looking. He's the apple of his father's eye, so he gets away with everything and always gets what he wants.
But in our tale, things don't play out in the typical fashion. Prince Charming doesn't get to be the hero, and that frustrates Sandstone to no end. The princess needs rescuing, and that's his job. Who the heck do these other wannabe heroes think they are? An evil sorcerer needs defeating! A giant needs slaying! A troll is blocking the path! Sandstone's got his sword and shield. Why is everyone trying to talk through their differences?! It's madness! So, the brave knight lashes out. He knows how it's all supposed to go, and anyone who thinks they can crash his party has got another thing coming. He's built for the hero business, so everyone better fall in line behind him and follow him to victory.
Sandstone is the antagonist of the Princess Knight, but again, he's not really a villain. He's not Gaston. Gaston's just plain nasty and, well, evil. And Sandstone isn't the spoiled Prince Charming from Shrek. He's more like Prince Edward from "Enchanted". The epitome of The Hero Prince. Imagine how Philip would've felt if he went to save Aurora from Maleficent and there was a sidekick level shrimp there successfully sneaking the Princess out the back door. All his hard work! Or what if Prince Ferdinand from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (yeah, that's his name. Didn't know that, did you?) showed up and Dopey or Grumpy was kissing Snow awake? (...actually... That's not a bad idea... Has anyone done that yet? I should write that... Anyway...) He'd be very disappointed. These princes are the heroes, but there are plenty of others who could save the day, and that's something Sandstone isn't prepared for. Especially if it's his silly little brother who is doing the saving.
Now, my older brother and I don't fight like typical brothers. In fact, we've never fought. Once, after the first time I saw "The Karate Kid", he walked up behind me and touched my shoulder, and I flipped him over my back like a boss, but that was the only physical confrontation we ever had. And a fluke. I had no training for such things (except from Mr. Miyagi). We never wrestled or rough housed like other brothers, so instead, my basis for Sandstone the mean older brother is everyone of my best friends from growing up. They were all older brothers, and they all smacked their siblings around in that typical fashion. My brother is a pacifist. When he was upset, he would lay face down in the middle of the hallway. We'd all just step over him like he wasn't there until he got it out of his system. I believe one of his daughters now uses the same tactic. Anyway, my only experiences with bullies are from other forces, not my wonderful big brother. And Sandstone is a bully to Chester. They are so opposite of one another, they just don't get along very much. Sandstone is like Chet from Weird Science. He's just cooler and better at everything. He doesn't understand his weirdo little bro. And because he's the first born prince in the Kingdom, he is expected to be ruler one day, so he is pampered and fawned over. Some of that goes to a person's head after long enough. He's proud of who he is and what he's been able to accomplish, and he's so good at it all that he's quite the popular guy in the lands.
MAKE WAY! MAKE WAY! HERE COMES THE KING!
HE'S A HERO TO THE PEOPLE AND ALL GOOD THINGS!
WHAT MORE COULD WE ASK OF OUR LEADER TO BE?
GATHER UP IN ONE VOICE AND--
All Hail Me! HA! HA! HA!
Yeah! WOOO! Hooray! etc.
(The crowd goes wild for HIM Ladies swooning and men cheering, Even the suitors don’t seem to mind. SANDSTONE is a celebrity. Everyone moves about in merriment as Sandstone walks among them.)
YOU’VE HEARD THE TALES
OF THE DEEDS HE’S DONE.
AND I ASSURE YOU EVERYONE OF THEM IS TRUE.
HE’S ALL SNIPS AND SNAILS
AND THE BATTLES WON
THERE ISN’T ANOTHER MAN ALIVE WHO CAN DO WHAT I DO.
AND HERE HE IS, OUR BRAND NEW KING
A MAN OF GLORY AND PURPOSE AND ALL GOOD THINGS
WHAT MORE COULD WE ASK OF OUR LEADER TO BE
GATHER UP AS ONE VOICE
AND ALL HAIL ME!
Yeah! WOOO! Hooray! etc.
I’VE CLIMB BEANSTALKS TO THE GIANTS
AND CAME BACK WITH ALL THEIR GOLD.
I’VE ROAMED THE WOODS KISSING BEAUTIES AWAKE
AH! AND THAT NEVER GETS OLD.
I’VE CLIMBED GOLDEN HAIR TO THE TOP OF TOWERS
I’VE SLAIN WITCHES THAT BECAME MONSTERS
PIERCED ACHILLES HEELS
FACED LIONS AND EELS
I’VE FOUGHT FEARLESSLY TO FREE FORGOTTEN WARRIORS
SANDSTONE IS SO CHARMING
HE’S HANDSOME BRAVE AND BOLD
HE’S BEEN ALL OVER FAR FAR AWAY
AND ALWAYS MAKES IT HOME
HE’S BEAT BRIGANDS IN BOOMING BATTLES
WON WARS WHILE WEARING A SMILE
THOSE TEETH, THAT HAIR, THOSE MUSCLES AND EYES,
THAT TENACIOUS VALOR AND GUILE
HIS NERVE IS NEVER FAILING
HIS BACKBONE NEVER SLIPS
NO FEAR, JUST GUTS, TAKE THAT YOU PUTZ
WAVING SWORDS AND WHIPPING WHIPS!
NOW REMEMBER WHAT WE ARE HERE FOR
THERE’S A PRINCESS IN NEED OF SOME LOVING
AND NOW THAT I’M HERE
THERE’S NO NEED TO FEAR
LET’S MAKE WITH THE KISSING AND HUGGING!
Woo! YEAH! Yay!
SO IT IS CLEAR TO ME
THAT YOU ALL AGREE
I’M THE MAN FOR THE JOB AS YOU CAN SEE
AND I AM CERTAIN SCARLET
WILL SEE IT JUST THAT WAY
WHAT MORE COULD A WOMAN ASK FOR THESE DAYS
THAN STRENGTH AND SPEED AND DASHING GOOD LOOKS?
WHEN IT COMES TO THE BEST, I WROTE THE BOOK.
WHAT MORE CAN I SAY?
WHAT MORE CAN HE SAY?
ALL HAIL ME!
Posted by T.C.